Talk:Brokeback Mountain/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aircorn (talk · contribs) 02:24, 5 October 2020 (UTC)

Willing to take this on in the next few days. Can I just confirm that Lizzy150 is free to answer any queries? AIRcorn (talk) 02:24, 5 October 2020 (UTC)

• Thanks, I look forward to your review! L150 12:40, 5 October 2020 (UTC)
  • Cool. Never seen the movie (but obviously heard all about it) so will be coming from that perspective.

Comments

• Jack broaches the subject of creating a life with Ennis on a small ranch, but Ennis, haunted by a childhood memory of the torture and murder of two men suspected of homosexual behavior as well as unwilling to abandon his family, refuses. This sentence is a little awkward.
  • Y correction made
• The plot is a little long and too detailed. As someone who has not seen the movie I would suggest cutting alot of the minor detail. For example why mention Cassie Cartwright or even Randall? Conversely there are some things that could probably be explained better. For example Brokeback mountain is not mentioned until near the end and the significance of the blood stained shirt is not really given proper attention. I don't get the significance of "Jack, I swear" which I should if it is chosen as quote to put in. It could really be tightened up (see Wikipedia:How to write a plot summary).
  • Y revised - I've mentioned Brokeback at the beginning. I think Cassie and Randall does need a small mention to show that Ennis and Jack had their minds elsewhere. Ennis' bloodstained shirt was taken by Jack (off-screen), as a memorabilia in case he couldn't see Ennis again. The blood is probably insignificant, but keeping the shirt shows the love for him. I've removed the "Jack, I swear" quote; it is for the viewer to interpret its meaning (eg. Jack, I swear I love you)
    • Great. Much better. AIRcorn (talk) 22:34, 21 October 2020 (UTC)
• Cast is a bit light, especially considering the two main characters have their own articles. Arguably they should be merged here, but that is not a GA issue.
  • Y expanded cast with 4 roles
    • I really meant expanding the description of the two main characters. The trouble with a list is that it gives everyone the same weight. I am not to bothered about the other supporting characters being in a list, but we need at least a little detail about Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar. AIRcorn (talk) 22:34, 21 October 2020 (UTC)
• It might be good idea to say Ossana is a screen writer. reading it it appears that just her partner is the writer.
  • Y added
• Not a big fan of quoting individual or even a couple of words unless they are important. I think masterpiece and exceptionally fine don't need to be quoted and there are multiple others throughout. It tends to break the flow when reading
  • Y I have removed and/or paraphrased quotes. I kept 'masterpiece' though because he did say that, and I should avoid puffery from my side
• Bit lost on the timeline in the second development paragraph. It says by 2003 he was wrecked and Brokeback brought him back, but it then seems to suggest he tried to make it before finishing Hulk. It also seems to imply it was shown to him at two different times
  • Y revised this paragraph now, hope it's clearer
• I feel there is too much reliance on quoting in general. If possible I would look at reducing it to where it is needed or gives the most impact. Long quotes in particular can be hard to parse.
  • Y I have removed and/or paraphrased quotes. I kept some because it gives the article some 'life', but did try to strike a balance
• Gyllenhaal also reacted to the script positively; when he discovered that Lee and friend Ledger were attached to the project, Gyllenhaal signed on. This makes it sound like the main reason he signed on was because of Lee and Ledger. Is this correct. Also isn't the comma superfluous?
  • Y It's more like 50/50; he liked the script but also didn't want to miss the opportunity working with them - which I've added
• a masculine and homophobic character If this is the case it probably should be brought up in the plot section somehow
  • This is Ledger's interpretation of the character; Ennis is the reluctant one but he's not literally 'homophobic'. I'm tempted to avoid using these terms in the plot as it's up to the viewer to decide
• To prepare, Ledger researched his character's personal traits, Wyoming and Texas accents This doesn't make sense to me. Do you mean personal traits plus Wyoming and Texas accents?
  • Y revised
• She was wearing a ball gown and hairpiece "that was way over the top", but still felt "centred and focused". The hairpiece was centered and focused or she was?
  • Y revised
• The fictional "Brokeback Mountain" was named to suggest a physical feature, after a term usedor a swaybacked horse or mule. Not sure what is meant by "to suggest a physical feature"?
  • Y I've removed this from the filming section as it's irrelevant here
• Initially, Alberta's environmental department prohibited the crew from bringing domestic sheep into the country I don't think this is true. Canada has sheep, it seems they didn't want the sheep in the Rockies.
  • Y You're right, corrected now
• You start a paragraph on the sex scenes and then segue into a house scene with an observation on Gyllenhaals acting style in between. It is a bit disconnected. The section itself feels a little uneven. I would have thought the sex scenes deserved a bit more of a mention, but it only gets a short sentence, yet we have anecdotes about sheep not drinking running water and details of the type of trailers used.
  • Y Made some revisions to this section, and added some details of post-production. There wasn't much info about the intimate scenes but I tried to keep relevant details in one paragraph. I've removed the trivial 'sheep not drinking water'.
• Over the Christmas weekend, and beginning of January 2006, film expanded into more domestic theaters. Grammar
  • Y corrected
• Do we need to repeat the year for each release?
  • Y corrected
• The Miller and Quaid paragraph is covering two different topics
  • Y revised - also I created a sub-heading called 'Legal issues' to house this
• A lot of quotes in the critical response section. I do find it well compiled though.
  • Y revised - quite a few quotes paraphrased now
• falsely accusing him of a repellent form of bigotry". Not clear what they accused him of?
  • Y I've removed this bit as I think it's irrelevant to the film's critical response
• Brokeback Mountain was listed on the following notable critics' top-ten lists. Should clarify that this is 2005 lists. The list is very American centric. I am actually not sure the list itself is due. Maybe better to add it too the paragraph above and say something along the lines that it was the top ranked film of 2005 by .........
  • Y I mentioned it's 2005, and from American critics, as per source. Is this enough?
• Is there a better heading than discussion? That is a little vague especially as the discussion is focused on one aspect
  • Y heading revised
• Audiences and the cast and crew disagreed as to whether the film's two protagonists were homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, or should be free of any sexual orientation classification. I am not sure audiences disagreeing is notable. They tend to disagree on a lot of films. Maybe critics?
  • Y It was "reviewers and critics" before, so I've changed it to 'critics'
• River Road Entertainment is mentioned in the lead, but not the body.
  • Y Now mentioned them under 'Development'
• Anna Faris and Linda Cardellini are barely mentioned in text. Should they be in the infobox.
  • Y Removed from infobox
• Same with Geraldine Peroni and Dylan Tichenor
  • Y these film editors are now mentioned in the body under Filming
• Images seem fine

@Lizzy150: I think this covers most things. Don't feel like you have to do everything I have suggested (although I do appreciate replies to any points I make, even if it is just to disagree with them). Ping or drop a talk page note when you are ready for me to have another look at it or you want further clarification. AIRcorn (talk) 05:27, 8 October 2020 (UTC)

Other changes look great. Let me know what you think about adding some more info on Jack and Ennis to the cast section. AIRcorn (talk) 22:42, 21 October 2020 (UTC)

Aircorn, Oh I see, I've added a sentence each for the two lead characters. They do, as you say, have individual articles.. so hopefully the details here are sufficient. Thanks again. LM150 20:53, 23 October 2020 (UTC)

Hey Lizzy. I think some more would be great. Maybe expanding on their sexuality. Saying that I think what we have got here meets the GA criteria and the rest of the article is excellent so I am going to pass it. Sorry I got delayed and congratulations on another GA. AIRcorn (talk) 07:15, 24 October 2020 (UTC)