Talk:Charles Keating IV/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: 98.97.34.98 (talk · contribs) 19:00, 10 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 03:10, 9 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Did you know? If you fancy doing so, I always have plenty of GA nominees to review. Just look for the all-uppercase titles in the Television section. Reviews always appreciated.

Excited to take this one on because it's Arizona-adjacent. Seeing the name "Charles Keating" got my attention! However, I am concerned that I possibly cannot reach the nominator, who has apparently used several IP addresses. (This looks at first blush to be a drive-by, but I believe the user's contributions are scattered across multiple addresses, primarily Starlink/Seattle.) Please respond here before I continue with a spot check. I am watching this page. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 03:42, 9 October 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Copy changes

Lead

The lead is too short and should be rewritten to be a better summary of the article's contents.
Do not capitalize military in "US military"
- Be consistent in this article: "US" or "U.S." — both are acceptable.
"Servicemember" should be one word.

Early life

Keating was born on February 26, 1985 in Phoenix, Arizona and This passage needs both a MOS:DATECOMMA and a MOS:GEOCOMMA. It should read as follows: Keating was born on February 26, 1985, in Phoenix, Arizona, and
During his last 3 years at Arcadia High This should be spelled out "three" per MOS:NUMERAL. In general, numerals less than ten are spelled out, though "SEAL Team 1" would be an exception.
The Keating Five scandal took place when five U.S. Senators were accused of improperly interfering in 1987 for Keating Jr. who was later convicted of fraud, racketeering and conspiracy for which he spent four and half years in prison.
- Do not capitalize "Senators" in running text.
- Restructure this sentence and the next one, perhaps as The Keating Five scandal took place when five senators were accused of improperly interfering on Keating Jr.'s behalf; Keating Jr. was convicted of fraud, racketeering and conspiracy, for which he spent four and half years in prison. Keating III was convicted as a co-conspirator with the elder Keating on fraud and conspiracy charges but remained free on bail.
  - Notice the lack of a comma after "charges". This is a commas in sentences issue I find frequently at GAN.
In February 2001, Keating appeared on a Discovery Kids show called "Outward Bound." This is a television show, not an episode, so its title should be italicized.
Navy SEAL Astronaut William Shepherd also graduated from Arcadia High and was assigned to SEAL team 1, which Keating would later be assigned to as well.
- No need to capitalize "Astronaut" or "Indoor".
- Should be SEAL Team 1 (capitalize Team)
- Rephrase the end: to which Keating would later be assigned.

Military career

His great grandfather had served during World War I, his grandfather was a Naval aviator during World War II, his great uncle served in the Navy during World War II and his younger brother Billy also became an enlisted SEAL.
- "Great-grandfather", "great-uncle", etc. take a hyphen.
- "Naval" is not capitalized in this context.
- Add a comma after "World War II" to accommodate the length of these clauses.
Be consistent in SEAL capitalization.
The Death section should be placed before the citation. Right now, it makes no chronological sense.
On May 10, Keating was posthumously awarded the Silver Star by Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus (which was later upgraded to a Navy Cross). Ray Mabus was not upgraded. Reorder: On May 10, Keating was posthumously awarded the Silver Star—later upgraded to a Navy Cross—by Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus.
Introduce as "Quick Reaction Force (QRF)", as you use the acronym later in the text.
Wikilink the first mention of ISIS, as it is not otherwise introduced or linked.
ISIS fighters broke through Peshmerga front lines around 7:30AM and about 20 minutes later the U.S. team was engaged in combat.
- Format times as "7:30 a.m." in American English articles like this one.
- Add a comma after the time (CINS) and another after "20 minutes later"
The QRF arrived and the firefight continued for about two more hours. Add a comma after "arrived"
No other U.S. or coalition forces were wounded however both MEDEVAC helicopters were hit by enemy small arms fire. This needs more punctuation: No other U.S. or coalition forces were wounded; however, both MEDEVAC helicopters were hit by enemy small arms fire.
The battle continued long after U.S. forces were extracted and eventually air assets arrived. Try The battle continued long after U.S. forces were extracted; eventually, air assets arrived.
Coalition air forces destroyed about 20 vehicles, two truck bombs, three mortars, one bulldozer and eliminated 58 ISIS fighters. They did not destroy 58 fighters, so you need an "and" after "bulldozer"
The battle lasted about 14 hours, ending around 9:30PM and afterward the Peshmerga regained control of Tesqopa. Try The battle lasted about 14 hours, ending around 9:30 p.m.; after, the Peshmerga regained control of Tesqopa.
The battle was the heaviest fighting between coalition forces and ISIS since around December of the year before and there were an unknown number of Peshmerga casualties. Add a comma after "before" (CINS)
No need to capitalize "Governor" here
No need to use "at the time", as it is assumed.
Defense Secretary at the time, Ash Carter, Ash Carter's name is too important for an appositive. Try Defense Secretary Ash Carter
Keating's remains were flown to Dover Air Force Base and his family was present Comma after "Base" (CINS)
No need to capitalize Chief
Reduce Obama's quote by paraphrasing it and maybe focusing on the words in Keating's mate's letter.
"branchwide"
C4 Foundation likely is a proper noun, not just "C4"
which is about a 90 minute drive east of San Diego Too imprecise/informal; can we get a better location descriptor?

Sourcing and spot checks

The Western Journal is a generally unreliable source. Can it be replaced?

Images

The images are all public-domain, all but one from the U.S. government. Encouragement: Make images accessible to users using screen readers by adding descriptive alt text (not required for GA review).