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The story of Jesus...

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On time, Jesus was walking through the forest. Then, God was like "whuttup, G?" Jesus knew what this meant because he knew into the future and understood that this would be an american phrase use in the year 1999! He recognized America as the greatest country of all time and said to God "Wow, this must be important for you to tell me in American talk!" God was like "Yeah!" Jesus said "Whats the big news, Daddy?" and God was like "You're gonna die!" And Jesus was like "Oh, thats the shit, then I can come home with you!" God was like "Whatever, bitch!" Jesus was like "What was that for?" And God was like "Oh, sorry, I was talking to someone else, too." and Jesus was like "So I'm not gonna die?" and god was like "No you are but I didn't mean to call you a bitch." Jesus said unto Him 'How am I gonna die?" God said "Crucifixtion." Jesus asked unto Him "Can I just die of suffocation?" God was like "Wtf, y??" and Jesus said unto Him "Suffocation while some hot-ass chick sits on my face!" God said unto Him "You'd probly like to choke to death on teh cock, lol" And jesus was like "Naw."

And thats the story of Jesus.