Talk:Experimental pop/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 22:54, 31 October 2016 (UTC) →[reply]

Lead

Originating in the 1950s → Something can originate from a place or country, but not from a year
was welcomed by young audiences → was positively received

Characteristics

Other authors[who?] → you can remove the 'who?'-tag, as it suffices here
artists: they may → artists—they may
pop settings combines → pop setting combine
celebrating sonic juxtapositions → is this a quote?; you can at least put the last two words in ""

History

Grubb says that → Grubbs further explains that
in the mid 1960s was Welsh → in the mid 1960s were Welsh
studio, as composer Robert Ashley is quoted in 1966: "We → studio. Regarding to this, composer Robert Ashley is quoted in 1966; "We
happen. ... The → happen. [...] The
magic. ... We → magic. [...] We
Set comma after "Smiley Smile (1967)"
the album: "embrace[d] → remove ":"
was welcomed by young audiences → was positively received by young audiences
which he wrote "seemed → which he described as "[seeming]
which would be filled by → which would be later filled by
to create an album, Present Tense → to create their debut studio album, Present Tense
named an "experimental pop band" → referred to as an "experimental pop band"

Image > perform → performing
running throughout the UK → spell UK out an unlink it
of musician ex-Roxy Music member → of ex-Roxy Music member musician + wikilink the band here and not later
era's "most successful" experimental pop music → someone can't be music; change to "music" to "artists"
the key to his success → the key to their success
Pickard of the publication → "the" is overfluous
lucidity ... the → lucidity [...] the
session musicians, in addition → remove comma
He called it "a rock → He further called it "a rock
with showcasing an experimental → with showcasing an experimental
particularly that of artists such as → particularly released by artists such as
of the Animal Collective album → of Animal Collective's album
Collective ... it's necessary ... → Collective [...] it's necessary [...]

Notes

2 > elaborating: "Meek → elaborating; "Meek
2 > sound. ... The → sound. [...]
2 > who in 2009 created "The Joe Meek Award for Innovation in Production" → who found ... in 2009
3 > time ... The → time [...] The
3 > number 8 → number eight
5 > era ... sounding → era [...] sounding

Outcome

Great article! Put this On hold for 7 days in order to allow edits. Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:42, 2 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Cartoon network freak: Done, thanks for all the suggestions.--Ilovetopaint (talk) 15:39, 5 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Gladly passing! Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:50, 5 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.