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Talk:Fatima Whitbread/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:23, 5 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]


  • Why does infobox say she was born in Stoke Newington?
I've amended the infobox to include Stoke Newington in the "born" parameter, and removed "hometown". BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:31, 11 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "1986 European Championships" include "Athletics" in there so it's clear it wasn't just a javelin championship.
  • Shouldn't the personal best in the infobox have "m" as in metres in there?
  • "coach. Fatima Whitbread won" don't need the surname, it's unambiguous.
Yes, now linked. I swapped this with the British schools event in the National titles section, as the British schools wasn't actually a national event. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 12:17, 11 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "that she participated in" -> "in which she participated".
  • "Sportswoman of the year" odd capitalisation, surely either Sportswoman of the Year or sportswoman of the year?
  • "met David Ottley at" context for who he is.
  • I've only added "javelin thrower" as it looks like he started to attract press coverage only from 1976. In her 1988 book, Whitbread wrotes "David Ottley, who was eventually to become the British record holder". BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:31, 11 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the coach arrived. The coach who arrived " repetitive.
  • "who Vedad had met when" previously met?
  • "Essex where" comma after Essex.
  • "(161 ft 3 in)[10] " missing full stop.
  • "5.6m" convert and ensure spacing is consistent.
  • "champion Sue Howland" maybe include her nationality.
  • "UK championship" which championship?
  • "gold.[14][11][17] " ref order.
  • For use of the ellipsis, place a non-breaking spsce before the "..."
  • "she commented, whilst still visibly upset, commented" rework this.
  • "Still no medal" but she won silver didn't she??
  • "Whitbread was the fiancée of Norman..." too much in this one sentence, break it up a bit.
  • The Temple controversy seems quite tangential to Whitbread herself.
  • Perhaps I was too influenced by the content of the article before I started working on it (see [1]). On the other hand, Temple was investigating Whitbread's business affairs, and Norman was closely linked to her. Do you think the mentions of this should be further trimmed, or eliminated? BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 12:22, 11 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "2012.[24][7]" ref order.
  • "won the title in 1987." maybe "the following year" to mix up the prose a little.
  • Why not linking Find a Family?
  • Second table, ref column need not be sortable.
  • Why isn't Is This Your Life? (and Find a Family) linked in the table?
  • For "Fatima Whitbread: Growing Up in Care " wouldn't her role be "herself"?
  • Ref 27 and 59 need their spaced hyphen to be converted to spaced en-dashes.
  • Ref 42 and 53 (and possibly others) have their source linked, but this isn't consistent at all across the references.
  • "Team GB Profile -> Team GB profile
  • Category "school governors" yet no mention of or ref for that.
  • Category "People from Copthorne, West Sussex " but article says she just got married there and nothing more.

That's it from me. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 16:41, 9 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks, The Rambling Man. I think everything is resolved, except about how much to include about Norman/Temple. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 12:22, 11 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
No, I'm happy with it now. I made a couple of minor adjustments. Also, for the {{London Gazette}}, there's a nolink parameter which could be used if you did want to aim for consistency, it's by no means a requirement of GAN, so I'll leave it to you, but worth knowing I guess. So will promote, good work. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 16:43, 11 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]