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Talk:February 2009 North American storm complex/GA1

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GA Review

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This article is really nice, especially prose-wise. (I for instance have a habit of forgetting I wrote something... :( )

  • For prose, as I said, it's very well done. I fixed a glitch or two. At this stage, you have to scan the text for redundancies: I've made a sample edit there. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a: redundancy exercises. Also, watch for noun plus-ing (see User:Tony1/Advanced_editing_exercises#A_common_problem.E2.80.94noun_plus_-ing). The quickest way to fix it is to search for every instance of -ing, and hope you hit all the verbs. Here's an example fix.
    • I seem to be assessing this on split GA-FA criteria... The prose is fundamentally good, and I'm even seeing some of beginnings of the brilliant, engaging prose need for FA. It doesn't feel right giving you a laundry list for these types of issues at GA (these don't even hinge on it passing tbh), so I've given you samples and links for now. Also, I didn't want you feel pressured to change something that you weren't sure if doing that would be a good idea.
  • It's quite detailed, but I think it's fine enough. This is probably more a prose quibble, but sometimes a paragraph don't have much cohesion internally. For instance:

In addition to the strong tornadoes produced across Oklahoma, high winds and large hail impacted the state. Throughout the state, an estimated 61,000 people lost power; 29,000 lost power due to thunderstorms [69] and 32,000 due to tornadoes.[18][60] Extremely large hail, measuring up to 4.5 inches (11 cm) in diameter, caused significant damage in Okesa. Numerous cars were hit with the hail and several houses sustained roof damage. The cost of the hail was estimated at $100,000 in the town.[81] Heavy rains produced by the storms also caused isolated flooding, with numerous streets being inundated with several feet of water.[82] Lightning also produced damage in the state, with one bolt striking an oil tank, igniting a fire. The fire severely damaged the tank, leaving $13,000 in damages.[83] In Mississippi, strong winds on the backside of the cold front caused isolated damages, with a metal roof being blown off a power company and downed several trees and power lines.[84][85] Damages in the state amounted to $35,000.[86]

  • Here what I suggest you do: try to re-arrange the paragraph to have an intro; then direct impact; then numbers impact to conclude. it'll flow much better. You'll get:

In addition to the strong tornadoes produced across Oklahoma, high winds and large hail impacted the state. Extremely large hail, measuring up to 4.5 inches (11 cm) in diameter, caused significant damage in Okesa, with the cost estimated at $100,000. Numerous cars were hit with the hail and several houses sustained roof damage. Heavy rains produced by the storms also caused isolated flooding, with numerous streets being inundated with several feet of water.[82] Throughout the state, an estimated 61,000 people lost power; 29,000 lost power due to thunderstorms [69] and 32,000 due to tornadoes.[18][60]

In Mississippi, strong winds on the backside of the cold front caused isolated damages, with a metal roof being blown off a power company and downed several trees and power lines.[84][85] Lightning also produced damage in the state, with one bolt striking an oil tank, igniting a fire. The fire severely damaged the tank, which result in $13,000 in damages.[83] Damages in the state amounted to $35,000.[86]

  • Oh, and don't merge two states together, it's confusing. I thought I was reading about OK, but there was Mississippi in there too--the figures didn't add up!. Because I didn't choose the best example, I split it, but I fixed redundancies, noun-plusing, and I made it flow better.
  • Images, NPOV, and stability are excellent.
I've fixed all the dead links and disambiguation links. As for the switching around, I think it's fine as it is, I did split MS from OK just as a test though. Is there anything that I missed? Cyclonebiskit (talk) 16:56, 20 June 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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