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GA Review

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Formula One drivers from India/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: MrLinkinPark333 (talk · contribs) 01:42, 16 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Hello! Thought I review this one as it's relativity short plus you've been waiting awhile as well. If you have any comments/concerns feel free to ping me here. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 01:42, 16 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Karthikeyan

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  • "India's first Formula One driver was Narain Karthikeyan." - true. But I'd suggest pointing to the 2005 season (it's currently pointing to 2012)
  • "He ended the season with 5 points having come 4th out of six starters after all but 3 teams withdrew at the controversial United States Grand Prix." - this is a bit wordy. I suggest rewording and breaking it up into two sentences for grammar.
    • There seems to be a bit too much detail about what happened at the United States Grand Prix. I don't think having how many starters and teams completed/withdrew from the race is needed. Any details should be left at the race's main article.
    • Also, while Motorsport does say the race was "controversial", I believe mentioning this isn't neutral.
      • Combining the above three, i've rephrased to He ended the season with 5 points having come 4th at the United States Grand Prix. SSSB (talk) 16:00, 18 November 2019 (UTC) Resolved all three.[reply]
  • "Although Karthikeyan was dropped after Jordan was sold to Midland...promoted to third driver after Mark Webber left the team" - very long sentence that should be split into two sentences.
  • "Karthikeyan was then offered a drive for the 2011 season, driving for HRT but was replaced after 7 rounds by Daniel Ricciardo, although he had a one-off drive at the 2011 Indian Grand Prix, replacing Vitantonio Liuzzi" - two sentences please.  Done Resolved
  • "this time partnering Pedro de la Rosa" -> partnering with Pedro de la Rosa
  • "However, Kartikeyan struggled against his teammate...lost his race seat after HRT folded at the end of the year" - This sentence seems choppy with the amount of commas. I suggest breaking it into two sentences for a better flow.

Additional points

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  • I think there should be a comma before "having" in "He ended the season with 5 points having come 4th" - I might be wrong.
  • Because of the edits for the United States Grand Prix, the motorsport.com source is no longer needed as it's not supporting any point. Resolved
  • I also just realized that the sources don't say he was "offered" a seat with HRT in 2011. I suggest either using a source that says it was an offer or rewording it.
  • Sidenote: I'll have to determine whether crash.net is reliable.

--MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:26, 18 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Chandhok

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  • "India's second Formula One driver was Karun Chandhok" - Yes, but this needs to be pointed to the 2010 season. Like Karthikeyan, it's pointing to 2012 as a default link.
  • "10 of the 19 rounds before being replaced by Sakon Yamamoto" - also needs to point to the 2010 season. Resolved
    • Also, this one I'm not sure with "replacement". Yammaoto raced with Chandhok in race #10, so Yammaoto didn't really replace Chandhok in race #11. Unless you're referring to the car numbers?
  • I don't see Stats F1 french site saying Chandhok left at the end of 2011. Another source is needed for this part.

Additional points

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Lead / Infobox

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  • "As of 2019, there have been two Formula One race drivers from India" - this sentence is tagged as potentially dated. You could reword it to avoid this.
    • Maybe I'm having a brain block but I'm not sure how I would do that without violating MOS:DATED. The statement of how many Indian drivers have competed in F1 will change with time. There is nothing wrong (that I'm aware of) with having a dated statement and unfortantly it's a consequense of an article about a nations participation in an ongoing sport. Obviously the number of drivers is fundamental to the article's content. If you have an idea on how to override this I will be interested to hear this but I don't see a way.
      SSSB (talk) 11:32, 20 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Indian Formula One drivers have managed to collect 5 points...intent to take part in the race." - run on sentence that's needs to be split into two for grammar. Resolved
  • Are third driver entries not counted for the infobox stats?
  • The lead seems a bit short per MOS:LEADLENGTH. Perhaps include a bit about each Indian F1 to boost the lead.

Additional points

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Overall

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@SSSB: Overall, the main issue with this article is the multiple grammatical fixes that are needed alongside the editorializing words that need to be replaced. There are also 2 sentences that are not backed up the citations - Kartikeyan losing his seat in 2011 after HRT folded and Chandhok leaving at the end of 2011. In terms of sources, all of the sources are good except for F1-Fansite as it's a fanstie. For minor issues, there is an instance of non-neturality and overally detailed that both appear in the United States Grand Prix sentence. Otherwise, this article has a reflist, is broad, stable, has free and relevant images. I'm willing to put this on hold for a week then reassess from there. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 03:26, 16 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@SSSB: Alrighty. So far, most of the first glance review is complete except for Chandhok's 2010 season. I've also added a few more points after reading these sentences again. Good work so far! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:45, 18 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@MrLinkinPark333: firstly thank you for the review. I've done everything (I think) apart from expand the lead, I'll get to that tonight or tomorrow as I'm moderatly busy at the moment. There are a couple of things I need your opinion on regarding the replacement of F1-fansite and dated statements so if you could take a look at those that would be great. Thanks again for a great review!
SSSB (talk) 11:32, 20 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome @SSSB: It helps that this is a relatively short article. I've left comments for the lead with 2 additional points and one additional point for Chandhok. You're almost there! --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 20:20, 20 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@MrLinkinPark333: I think thats everything. Feel free to ping me if I missed anything.
SSSB (talk) 11:17, 22 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@SSSB: All looks good apart from some spelling/grammar in the lead. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 19:54, 22 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@MrLinkinPark333:, fixed the ones you pointed out.
SSSB (talk) 21:58, 24 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@SSSB: I think you're all set! Well done. --MrLinkinPark333 (talk) 15:22, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@MrLinkinPark333:, Awesome! Thanks again!
SSSB (talk) 15:40, 26 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Move discussion in progress

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There is a move discussion in progress on Talk:Formula One drivers from the United Kingdom which affects this page. Please participate on that page and not in this talk page section. Thank you. —RMCD bot 16:20, 6 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]