Talk:GirlForward

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Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment

This article was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment, between 27 August 2018 and 5 December 2018. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): ExploreTheJourney, Chiching2018, DjJackie1, Jinxxgnome. Peer reviewers: Gmike98, Agomez1105, Warmongering117, Jazzyzhou.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 21:49, 17 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Gmike98 edits/suggestions

Hello, I just went through your introduction, and like the direct approach y'all already have.

I edited the intro by combining the first 2 sentences.

For the intro/lead you could:

briefly mention a label for the founder (*probably her occupation)
mention how they empower refugee girls (*quick mention of a program or two)

Also, I unbolded every "GirlForwad" except the first. I think you just need to have the first mention of it bolded.

--Gmike98 (talk) 23:07, 31 October 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Warmongering117 edits/suggestions

the structure, content and the sources of the article are presentable and is a good start. Very good sources.

Suggestions: Check and make sure source 3 works, I cannot access the link on any browser and computer. The first paragraph of history needs to be restructured because the paragraph is more a storytelling then staying focus with the who, what, when, where, why and how. I see some of them but in storytelling and not straightforward. I would add sources to the awards because it was not mention in the article and I would like to reference where you get the information.in my opinion, citing it will show people that the sources are legitimate. Also, don’t forget to add sources after each sentence that is stating a fact. For instance, During the Summer of 2015, $ 6,000 were spent toward girl’s transportation fees… has no no sources. Go back and find that source and cite it. I would stay away from word good cause and favor because they are more of a opinion word and your goal is to be neutral and unbiase.

Edit summary: Taking off the last sentence of the paragraph under history of moving forward Removed good cause under Feldman forward initiative Replaced good cuase with GirlForward’s was able to achieve their goal with the help of concertgoers and Spectral Quartet under Feldman Forward Initiative, award. Created sentence under Feldman Forward Initative (The challenge was possible and GirlForward’s was able to achieve their goal with the help of concertgoers and Spectral Quartet.)

--Warmongering117

agomez1105 suggestions/edits

Hey guys, the page is looking good! You guys have taken a lot of information from your sources so its definitely looking pretty fleshed out, which is great.

I made a few edits to the intro just to move it up and kind of increase the summarizing of the article bit. I also just took out the header because I think it looks better when the lead is just under the title as opposed to under a separate heading. I think it just needs a little bit more of a summary of its events and then it'll be good to go.

I also was finagling with the history section. It was very much like a narrative so I just tried to make it a bit less so. I think if you were going to talk about all the stuff that you do in there like its founding and mission then maybe it would be better to retitle the section as "Mission" so you could talk more about what they do or split it up into a heading of "Founding" and "Mission" if you feel like there's enough to fit under both headings. And if you split it up into those two headings then you could combine "Mission" with "Services" so that it is more organized. I would also bring up the "services" section to be right after the "history" section.

I found this article from Forbes that features the founder which could be a useful to add a little variety to your citations. I

Agomez1105 (talk) 01:14, 5 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Jazzyzhou edits/suggestions

I like the intro you made because it's short and precise,I pretty much can see all the information I need in a brief sentence. I think the history part however is not as precise as the intro. I edited few places in the history section. I moved the " or "GirlForward Zero " in front of 'meeting Domi', so that the sentence make sense. I also rephrased the 'Brettschnieder spend her own money for transportation,' and added Brettschnieder at thr beginning of the second paragraph so that people won't get confused of who created what.

In service session, as you described, there should be lots of activities. It would be nice we know how they do it specifically. Eg, how they conduct activities? What's the big part of the services?

Jazzyzhou (talk) 01;35, 5 November 2018 (UTC)