Talk:Jacob Wohl/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lee Vilenski (talk · contribs) 20:57, 11 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I am planning on reviewing this article for GA Status, over the next couple of days. Thank you for nominating the article for GA status. I hope I will learn some new information, and that my feedback is helpful.

If nominators or editors could refrain from updating the particular section that I am updating until it is complete, I would appreciate it to remove a edit conflict. Please address concerns in the section that has been completed above (If I've raised concerns up to references, feel free to comment on things like the lede.)

I generally provide an overview of things I read through the article on a first glance. Then do a thorough sweep of the article after the feedback is addressed. After this, I will present the pass/failure. I may use strikethrough tags when concerns are met. Even if something is obvious why my concern is met, please leave a message as courtesy.

Best of luck! you can also use the {{done}} tag to state when something is addressed. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)}

Please let me know after the review is done, if you were happy with the review! Obviously this is regarding the article's quality, however, I want to be happy and civil to all, so let me know if I have done a good job, regardless of the article's outcome.

Links

Prose

Lede

Your bundled refs in the lede would maybe be better as a note, otherwise the article starts on reference 15! Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:05, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I split these into four bundles, and expanded the citations within each bundle. It does mean some of the refs are duplicated, but it prevents people from going to the citation and then having to navigate to a different citation. GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 19:53, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Second sentence could probably be split into two, as it's very long. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:05, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 19:53, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
If you don't use the acronym again in the lede, no need to define it (so, ACC and FCC). Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:05, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 19:53, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The social media section is long enough to reasonably warrant at least a mention in the lede. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:05, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:37, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

General

Link Twitter. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:37, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Matthew Cohen" - this isn't a quote. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:37, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Tel Aviv station chief", - not sure we need to cquote this. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:37, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
retweeted - do we need to be so jargonny for this, can't we just say that they posted? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:37, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
being falsely accused of kidnapping - at this point, has anyone actually suggested that they had kidnapped her? Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- I'm not sure if anyone publicly accused them of "kidnapping" (using that specific word)—that's a word used in Wohl and Burkman's press release to describe Corrigan's accusations against them. Corrigan's public statement mostly talked about them taking her devices and her "bec[oming] powerless in a situation" (source). Let me know if you think there are clarifications that need to be made. GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:37, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
intentionally targeted Black - not a proper noun. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- I believe this is acceptable per MOS:PEOPLANG. GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:40, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Is the Twitter post box really neccesary? There's a couple of these Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- I removed one and left the "hipster coffee shop" one, since I think an example is useful there. Let me know what you think. GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:41, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]
armored cars to avoid hitmen.[103][19][104][105 - can we bundle these Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:28, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
- Done GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:46, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Review meta comments

I'll begin the review as soon as I can! If you fancy returning the favour, I have a list of nominations for review at WP:GAN and WP:FAC, respectively. I'd be very grateful if you were to complete one of these if you get time. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:57, 11 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Only a couple comments above, realistically a fantastic article. Best Wishes, Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 20:29, 21 September 2021 (UTC)[reply]

- Thanks so much for the review Lee Vilenski! I've implemented most of the changes, just a few questions. GorillaWarfare (she/her • talk) 22:46, 3 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]