Talk:Lenny Hambro/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: HJ Mitchell | April Fool! 14:10, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

OK, I'll take this on. I have a few points that will need addressing. It needs a little work before it n be passed, but I can't see anything fundamental. Responses (in Italics) follow your comments.

General stuff

Is there any evidence that File:Lynn Michels.jpg was released into the public domain?
File:Lenny Hambro with GMO.jpg would seem a good candidate to move to Commons, as would the above once my licensing question is answered. Not a GA issue, but something to think about. Thanks
Hyphens shouldn't be used as sentence interrupters (yes, trivial, but that's the MoS for you) you can use emdashes or endahses (I've just added in unspaced endashes) but take a look at MOS:DASH first. OK and Done
Per MOS:BIO, subjects of biographies should be referred to by their surname, not their first name. OK and Done
Could you take a look at some of the red links- there are quite a few of them. You should make a judgement as to whether an article is likely to exist there in the near future and if the subject is notable and remove any you don't think are. OK and Done
There needs to be some consistency in the linking. Many terms that could and possibly should be linked aren't, while others are repeatedly linked all over the place. Essentially, if a link would add to the reader's understanding (by being able to consult another article) add it, otherwise remove it. For example, "Gene Krupa" is linked 3 or 4 times in the same paragraph. OK and Done
File:Lenny and GMO on tour.jpg needs its fair-use rationale filling out. Done

Specific points

Firstly, the lead will need expanding. Per WP:LEAD, It should be a concise but accurate summary of the whole article. Done
In the "early life" section, is "(Levine)" his mother's maiden name? In which case it should be (née Levine). Done
It talks of one elder sister, was she his only sibling? Yes
In "musical training", is "youngster" really an appropriate term? Could you find something more formal or an approximate age? Yes
"Lenny had a rare talent and quickly eclipsed his brother-in-law"? That needs to be rewritten from a neutral point of view. OK
Could you link things like "Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board" for those of us not in the US? YES
What does " a piece written in 5/4 time, which was quite progressive at the time" mean? Musical theory not appropriate here... Wikipedia has articles on "odd" time signatures... bottom line: In the U.S., 5/4 time was unusual in the 1940's, as music written in odd time signatures often sounds "disjointed" to the ear. In fact, it wasn't until Dave Brubeck's 1961 piece "Take Five", that a tune written in 5/4 time became truly popular in the U.S.
"Chester, Pennsylvania" should be linked as Chester, Pennsylvania. On that note, any place name should be linked like that for its first mention in the article. OK

All in all, I'd say this is a very nicely put-together article on a very interesting man. The section headers are put to good use so that readers aren't confronted with a wall of text and it makes good use of images where they're available. I think with a few hours' work, this should easily meet the GA criteria and there's definitely potential to go on to FAC in the not-too-distant future. Before that, though, I'd suggest you need to fill out more detail in the references (publishers, works, publication dates, accessdates and the red links will need to be removed or created. I'll watch this page and the article , but do feel free to drop me a line on my talk page if you need clarification on anything- I might not be able to respond immediately because I've got a few reviews on at the minute, but I'll get there! HJ Mitchell | April Fool! 14:10, 1 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oh, you have a few dab links and a few dead external links that will need fixing. HJ Mitchell | April Fool! 14:14, 1 April 2010 (UTC) Done[reply]

It's been almost 10 days and no work has been done to bring it up to GA, so I've failed it. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 16:48, 9 April 2010 (UTC) Sorry... Busy, busy[reply]