Talk:Manny Ramirez/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: EricEnfermero (talk · contribs) 02:38, 16 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be glad to take a look at this. I notice that SG17 has been away from WP for an extended period and I don't know if he plans to return. With that in mind, I'll leave some initial feedback. If anyone responds to it in the next few days, we'll continue the review. If not, we can close the review until there is an active nominator. EricEnfermero (Talk) 02:38, 16 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Initial checks

In the GA Toolbox, Dablinks shows no problems, but Checklinks highlights several URLs that are dead or that may have changed. Done
There are lots of images, but there are no copyright status issues or caption problems that I detect. Done
I noticed at least one issue with close paraphrasing - the third sentence of the Early Life section. Done
I checked the rest of the Jockbio citations and found another issue: The part about the 1994 season makes it sound like Cleveland's season ended prematurely, but there was a strike that year. May need to add another source to explain that. Done
In glancing through the article as a whole, I notice that there is inconsistent application of MOS:ACRO. In particular, the entry goes back and forth between American League and AL. AL is fine by itself after the first use of the full term. Done

Let's start there and see what response we get. If this feedback is addressed, we can move to a section-by-section look at the prose. Thanks, everyone, for a lot of work on the expansion of this entry. EricEnfermero (Talk) 04:26, 16 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

EricEnfermero, thanks for taking up this review and good to see you again. I've been really busy in real life lately and haven't really had time to edit, but I heard via email that you had responded to the GAN, so I thought I'd take a look. I have exams today and tomorrow, so I'll address feedback this weekend. Good to see you again and thanks for taking up this review. Sportsguy17 (T • C) 02:35, 18 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Good to see you as well. No hurry here. I will be on vacation in Mexico starting Friday, but I will return by the middle of next week. EricEnfermero (Talk) 03:04, 18 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Will make the appropriate changes this weekend. Sportsguy17 (T • C) 12:43, 3 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Update: I forgot that I had this open, but I hope to continue the feedback by this weekend. EricEnfermero (Talk) 11:42, 23 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi @EricEnfermero:, sorry for the delays (I've had a busy month or so). Anyway, I have made the updates you suggested (although if you don't mind checking to make sure my checklinks corrections went through, as I do not have a computer on me right now). With that, I think it is time for a detailed review. Sportsguy17 (T • C) 02:25, 29 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Still two links showing up as dead. One is currently ref 119; the other I am looking for, but it's from SOSHwiki, which probably isn't a good source to use anyway. I'll leave some more feedback this week, but so far things look pretty good. As a popular modern player, Ramirez has a well-documented article, so my remaining suggestions might just be prose issues, but I'll take a closer look this week. EricEnfermero (Talk) 12:29, 29 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Once I am back at a desktop and can use checklinks more easily, I will replace the link for ref 119. As for SOSHwiki, it's an external link and it doesn't appear to be of much use, so perhaps removing it isn't a bad option. Sportsguy17 (T • C) 01:34, 30 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@EricEnfermero: I am back for another week before I go away on vacation again, so I was wondering if you're ready to give the detailed feedback yet? Sportsguy17 (T • C) 02:57, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

I'm so sorry for the delay. We can start with the lead...

Place the MLB acronym in the opening sentence after the first use of Major League Baseball. Done
"before going on to play 1 season" - change to "before playing one season" Done
"most in big league history" - common to use "big league" in informal baseball writing, but better to use MLB for an encyclopedia Done
The part about meeting his wife seems out of place before the mention of his childhood. This lead is so long that it might be worth leaving her out or moving that part down. Done
"batting .269 hitting 17 home runs, and 60 RBIs" - needs a comma after .269 and a verb before 60 RBIs; should use the full term "runs batted in (RBIs)" on the first mention. Done
Later in the paragraph, "RBI" is used. I have seen both RBI and RBIs. Just need consistency. Done
"single-season RBI records" - should be record, I think. Done
Link David Ortiz. Done
The part about Conte doesn't really summarize the article. The body of the article uses an ESPN article, not Conte, to describe hCG. (In the body - under the "2009" subsection - the ESPN article is also closely paraphrased.) Done
"another violation to its drug policy" - violation of Done
50 game suspension - hyphenate 50-game Done

EricEnfermero (Talk) 15:47, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

Still at least one close paraphrasing issue: "a Dodgers uniform with number 30 on the back" - adding Brooklyn doesn't really help here, and the source doesn't specify whether it was a Brooklyn or LA Dodgers uniform. Done
No need to mention again that he was 13 years old in 1985. Done
The Sara Rimer NYT source (ref #10 right now) has some good info to expand this section. Done

EricEnfermero (Talk) 16:33, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Minor leagues

This section is sourced to only one reference and I can't find really any mention of his initial minor league career at that Bleacher Report article. I'm wondering if the refname is intending to point to a different Bleacher Report article. EricEnfermero (Talk) 20:15, 9 August 2015 (UTC) Done[reply]

1993-1994

I can't find where the about.com piece mentions Mélido Pérez. In general, I think we can find more authoritative sources than about.com anyway. Done

@EricEnfermero: I hope this is an acceptable source. Although it is YouTube, it was published by the MLB and verifies the given info. If not, then the NY Times article can probably suffice. Thoughts? Sportsguy17 (T • C) 01:24, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'm okay with that. If someone were to challenge it, we could also replace it with this. EricEnfermero (Talk) 01:36, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Scratch that, I've used the BR source. More reliable and less likely to be challenged. So, with just the Early Life section to deal with, how do you think things look, EricEnfermero? Sportsguy17 (T • C) 01:44, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I think we're looking good now. If I find some additional minor wording/syntax issues, I can just fix them as I promote this. EricEnfermero (Talk) 01:51, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lowercase s for "strike" in 1994 MLB strike. Done

1995-1997

Looks good to me. I would just use the full terms for ALCS and ALDS on the first mentions, then the acronyms. Done

1998-2000

By 2000, the entry is a little heavy on statlines. To break those up, this source describes Manny's injury (hamstring) and describes how his return may have boosted the team (though not to the playoffs) by giving Alomar, Vizquel and Lofton more good pitches to hit. Done

EricEnfermero (Talk) 20:15, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

2001-2003

I made some minor copyedits here, but I think it's okay. Done

2004

Looks good. Done

EricEnfermero (Talk) 21:09, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

2005-2006

Looks good. Done

2007-2008

second para - switched back to full term "runs batted in" Done
same para - "Major Leagues" - either use lowercase major leagues or acronym MLB Done
third para - change Bernie Williams to just Williams on second mention Done
"On May 31, 2008, Ramirez hit his 500th home run, against Baltimore Orioles pitcher Chad Bradford at Camden Yards in the 7th inning on the first pitch, becoming the 24th player in MLB history to do so." - maybe break up this long sentence into two. Done
consider adding "teammate" before Kevin Youkilis to give the incident some context. Done

Dodgers (2008-2010)

unlink previously linked terms like Boston Red Sox Done
change words like 2nd and 3rd to second and third, consistent with style in rest of article Done

Cubs

Is there anything to include for his role this season? This source describes him working with Javier Baez, but I am not sure if there is anything worth mentioning there. Done

I'll think that one through. It may actually be worth including. Sportsguy17 (T • C) 02:12, 12 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Personal life

I would take out the part about not being a natural-born US citizen. That part should be obvious from his birthplace and from the next part which describes him as gaining citizenship. Done
Better to use "as of (year)" rather than "currently" per WP:WTW. Done

References

Not the biggest deal, but it looks like there are two separate groups of refs to Baseball-Reference.com (right now, refs #1 and #64).

Unless this is a more serious concern, I'm tempted to just let it be. However, if you'd like for me to, I will do it once I finish up the other changes. Sportsguy17 (T • C) 23:15, 13 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Once we get these addressed, I may take one more look and make some copyedits, but I think we are getting closer. EricEnfermero (Talk) 02:51, 11 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@EricEnfermero: All appears to be complete. I expanded the Early Life section based on the NY Times article by Rimer. I'm not sure if what I added was what you were looking for, so feel free to add, delete, or correct anything. Also, thank you very much for doing this review. I appreciate your feedback and getting to work with you. Sportsguy17 (T • C) 02:16, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review list - final

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Impressive work on the very large entry of a popular baseball player.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Nominator addressed some minor close paraphrasing.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
Quite thorough without going into excessive detail.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Great work preparing the article and addressing a fairly lengthy amount of feedback.

EricEnfermero (Talk) 05:02, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]