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A fact from Murder of Mark Kilroy appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 14 March 2017 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:
I removed the following- "Obsessed with the public's fear of Satanism, they enacted and constructed a satanist conspiracy that did not exist in the first place. The media was following an old practice of categorizing an out-group religious organization as "evil" because it was considered dangerous, foreign, and unknown."
What I removed read like an opinion and had no source. I see no source for "following an old practice" etc. there is a lot in this article that needs to be re written, and the prose of the article reads like a first person narrative. 2601:483:100:CB54:808E:3128:BEAC:2B97 (talk) 02:30, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Hi, thank you for consulting the talk page. The information was paraphrased from pg. 124 of The Invention of Satanism (I believe you can access it through the e-book if you put "Kilroy" in the search engine, but I have a print copy). The Aftermath section is the section that bothers me the most in terms of prose because it seems/ed highly opinionated. I don't want to give undue weight by saying "X author said this" and "Y author said this", so I'm not sure how to phrase most of the section.
Feel free to copyedit the rest of the article as you'd like. I'm not a native English speaker so it doesn't surprise me that there are some problems with the prose. If you have time, feel free to be more specific on other things that can be fixed and I'll do my best to take care of them. The Aftermath section reads much better now so thank you for that.
For reference, the "old practice" mention was from this sentence in the book: They were also following another old template, in construing the religious practices of an out-group deemed dangerous and foreign, as 'satanic', and voodoo', effectively synthesizing anything unknown and feared into one category of evil (pg. 124). ComputerJA (☎ • ✎) 04:21, 15 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
I added that Kilroy was not "merely" killed, but also turtured and raped, however this was removed, which is a bit odd as those details were not my own inventions but facts already described in the linked sources that have been used for the article. I quote from one of them; "During a five-hour interrogation, Little Serafin described how gang members had lured the drunken college student into their truck. After a night of torture and sodomy, they lopped the top of his head off with a machete and boiled his brains. It was all part of the rituals of a religion known as palo mayombe, a violent voodoo cult that originated in Africa." (UTC)http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/mexican-druglord-kills-college-student-sicko-ritual-article-1.2157613
Obviously, these details should be included in the section decribing the nature of the murder, as Mark was not "just" killed (so to speak).
@Okama-San: Thank you for coming to the talkpage. I knew I had read it somewhere, but I didn't recall what source exactly. I remember when I was writing the article that I did not include this fact because it was the only source that mentioned it (I meant to add it as a footnote instead, but completely forgot as I got to other things in the article). Thanks again. Let me know if you have any questions. MX (✉ • ✎) 23:32, 5 November 2017 (UTC)r[reply]
Hi and thank you for your reply.
I saw that it had been included in the article now (the article is by the way very well written).
Again, thank you. Okama-San (talk) 07:18, 6 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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