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Talk:Phoronid/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 16:13, 9 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • "... the larval tentacles are replaced by the adult lophophore; the anus moves from the bottom to just outside the lophophore; and this changes the gut from upright to a U-bend ...". What is the "this" referring to? Replacement of the tentacles, movement of the anus, or both? "This" is almost always ambiguous when used in this way.
  • "The blood of Phoronis architecta carries twice as much oxygen as a human of the same weight." I know what you mean, but obviously there are no humans of the same weight.
    • "... in cm3 per gm of body weight" is the subject of the clause, like "... pound for pound the greatest puncher" in boxing. I don't want a clumsy, verbose explanation. What would you suggest? --Philcha (talk)
Body structure
  • "Most adult phoronids are 2 to 20 centimetres (0.79 to 7.9 in) long ...". The conversions seem a little overly precise, i.e., (0.8 to 8.0 in) would be better.
  • "The cavity in the epistome is sometimes called the protocoelom, although other authors disagree that it is a coelom". Oher authors from whom? We haven't mentioned any authors yet.
    • There's a debate, and the authors are in the first source cited here. I'm averse to strings of names that mean nothing to general readers, and more expert readers can get the participants with 2 clicks from the article, which is easier than most journals make it. --Philcha (talk) 21:40, 9 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Family tree
  • "While analyses by molecular phylogeny are confident that members of Lophotrochozoa are more closely related to each other than of non-members ...". Analyses can't be confident about anything, not being people and all.
  • "... several authors' embryological and morphological analyses which doubt or disagree that phoronids and brachiopods are deuterostomes". Similar to above point about the ability of analyses to doubt or disagree about anything.
  • "Bryozoa (Ectoprocta) are not closely related to this group, despite use a similar lophophore for feeding and respiration." Something missing there.
Nervous system and movement
Reproduction and lifecycle
  • "Some of these species are hermaphroditic ...". Some of what species?
  • "Sperm exit by the nephridiopores and some are captured by the lophophores of individuals of the same species. Species that lay small fertilized eggs release them into the water as plankton, while species with larger eggs brood them either in the body's tube or stuck in the center of the lophophore by adhesive, and then larger eggs are released to feed on plankton when they develop into larvae." Trying to cram too much in here I think: "species with larger eggs ... and then larger eggs". Larger eggs than what? Larger than the larger eggs?
  • "Development of the eggs is a mixture of deuterostome and protostome of characteristics". Of characteristics?
  • "Nothing is known about three species". That can't be right, we presumably know that they exist. Are we saying that we don't know anything about the reproductive lifecycle of three species?
  • "the hood and larval tentacles are absorbed and the adult lophophore is created round the mouth, and both now points upward".
  • Now "... point ..."
Ecology
  • "Although predators of phoronids are not well known, they include fish, gastropods (snails), and nematodes (tiny roundworms)." That's not quite right; fish, snails and so on are very well-known.
  • "Phoronids live in all the oceans and seas including the Arctic and excepting the Antarctic Ocean". "All the oceans and seas" obviously includes the Arctic.
    • The point is: most books, including my very good one (2004), and most web pages don't mention Arctic Phoronids; the Arctic Phoronids were found by Russians; the authority cited here, Temereva, only started writing in English after the mid-2000s. Emig (2003) also mentions Arctic Phoronids. --Philcha (talk) 21:40, 9 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Taxonomy
  • "In 2000 Temereva described a new species, Phoronopsis malakhovi, while Emig regards it as a synonym for Phoronopsis harmeri." That "while" just doesn't work there.
    • I dislike the obvious alternative, "... which Emig regards as a ...", as that would look as if Emig is the supreme authority - Emig was it for decades, but Temereva is now on a par. --Philcha (talk) 21:40, 9 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Images
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.