Talk:Samira Azzam

Peer Evaluation

First Round

Hi Celine! Great job on this rough draft, I can tell that you did a lot of research on Samira Azaam and especially on her writing. I like how you included some of her major works in the small summary under the title and even included the impact of her writing. Definitely keep this summary because it is concise but also hits on the major points of Samira Azaam’s life.

I also liked the information in all the sections that the article is broken into but I felt that some of the sections could be combined. For example, instead of having one sentence in the Death section, add it to the Early Life section. You can also change the name of the Early Life section and make it an overview of her life so that you can add her adulthood and marriage to it. I feel that having a large section with all this information in one place will make your article easier to follow rather than having many small sections.

In terms of the writing, I felt that most of your sentences were clear and conveyed the facts from your research. In the second sentence of the Marriage and Adulthood section, the use of however is abrupt and I feel that you can restructure this sentence with a semicolon. In the fourth sentence of your Writing and Major Themes section, the comma after “though at first” is unnecessary and makes the sentence a little awkward. Instead of using “beginning” use “she began” in sentence five of the same section.

Finally, I took a peek of your sources and they all look reliable which is great. However, make sure you follow the Wikipedia format for the reference list and for citing within your article. Overall, great job! This looks like a solid first draft and it will be easy for you to build this into a great article.

Richa.d25 (talk) 01:08, 7 October 2014 (UTC)

Second round

Hi again!! I saw you changed up the sections in this new draft and even added more information, great job! I like the way your article is broken up now and I do not see any reason to change up the sections. I especially like how you have a list of her works directly after the Writing and Major Themes section.

I was confused at a few places in your article however, which can be fixed with some simple rewording. For example, the second and third sentences in your header summary are related but the relation is not made clear right away. Try to the change the order that these sentences appear in. This sentence : “Major themes in her works included precision and control--her stories often revolving around a specific action or choice” was a little awkward because of the dash. I recommend going through your article and reading it out loud to fix any other mistakes with wording.

Other than that, your article is thorough and well done. Don’t forget to add hyperlinks when you’re done!! Good luck with the article and the rest of your portfolio!!

Richa.d25 (talk) 23:50, 9 October 2014 (UTC)

First Round

Hi Celine,

I really enjoyed reading your draft of Samira Azzam's wikipedia article. I think you did a really good job of capturing why she was important as an author and her role in promoting feminism. There were a few things that stuck out to me that I think could improve your article. Firstly, I would recommend using more hyperlinks in order to make your article "stickier" as we read in how to make your wikipedia article stick. Any word that relates to a nation or place should definitely be hyperlinked using word .

In addition, I would recommend combining your section on "Early Life and "Marriage and Adulthood" into one section named "Personal Life" in order to create a bulkier section that is filled with information about her life, separating it from her work.

I would also recommend rephrasing your fourth sentence in your "Writing and Major Themes" section, which reads, "Azzam develops an extensive commentary women in society, however does not take the traditional feminist viewpoint, instead blaming the struggles women face on society as a whole rather than on oppression on men (Piselli)" which I found slightly unclear.

Also, as a small note, there were a couple times you used the word Palestinian where the P should be capital. In addition, in your works section, I would recommend using bullet points to organize the titles by using an asterisks (*) before each line so the list is more aesthetically pleasing and slightly easier to read.

Finally, your reference section should be its own section using =References= so it sticks out more clearly.

Again, you did a great job with your article and I think these additions would be very helpful in improving your already great article!

Lauren — Preceding unsigned comment added by Lkstar33 (talk • contribs) 19:12, 8 October 2014 (UTC)

Peer Evaluation

Hi Celine,

I really enjoyed reading your article again on Samira Azzam. You continued to do an excellent job of describing her role in feminism and providing an adequate summary of her works. One thing I particularly liked was the detail you gave in summarizing her writing, such as the plot summaries. This was a nice way to encapsulate the readers by showing, without telling, her feminist writing. I noticed one sentence where you forgot a pronoun, she, before does not, "Especially in her early writing, Azzam develops an extensive commentary on women in society, however does not take the traditional feminist viewpoint." In addition, I would still recommend using more hyperlinks to make your article stickier. Finally, I would recommend separating the references with =References= so it sticks out more clearly for Wikipedia editors who are reviewing your article for submission and is in format with Wikipedia's styles. Overall, I think you did a really great job with your article and look forward to seeing it published!

Lauren — Preceding unsigned comment added by Lkstar33 (talk • contribs) 04:20, 16 October 2014 (UTC)