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User:Geometry guy/acgdemo

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This guide does not represent the personal views of anyone other than Geometry guy. Indeed it does not even represent his personal views.[1]

Criteria

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In the 2010 elections, I will be evaluating candidates according to their ability to employ cliches in imaginative and decisive ways.

Arbitration is a difficult task and Requests for Arbitration can descend into endless argument and counter-argument. We desperately need arbitrators skilled in employing cliches. A devastating cliche, deployed at an opportune moment, can cut through pages of tedious discussion, and make all parties realize that they have been talking nonsense for weeks.

I will be using my usual point system for cliches: standard mentions of broken processes, and us all being here to build an encyclopedia will score 1 point, with points increasing from there. This year I am particularly looking for imaginative uses of the metaphor "hat". "Throw my hat in the ring" or similar will only score 1 point, but more creative or indirect references to wearing hats as an editor will lead to bonuses. All other points are scored as before according to well established rules.

Candidate scores

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User/Talk/Contribs Statement links Rights Edits Since Comments/points Intended vote
Balloonman
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none 22656 2006-04-01 Plus 10 points for "not running to put feather in my cap", and the delving/digging into issues theme worked well until the fifth mention of "issues" after which I had issues with the candidacy. Total 10+5-3=12 points
Oppose
Casliber
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A, (ex)Arb 76277 2006-05-05 An excellent effort, with mentions of "Friend hat" and "Arb hat" for bonus points, but also "safety valve" and "top gear" were deployed effortlessly. Points are lost alas, for nonsense constructions such as "similarities in common". Total: 5+5+2+2-3 = 11 points
Support
Chase me ladies, I'm the Cavalry
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A 22036 2005-08-08 Bonus points for the username and its presumptions/sexism/etc. with a small minus for being too long and easily misspelt. However the smoothness of the candidate is evident in the way he slips "seen me around" and "the skills I've garnered" into the conversation. Truly a "life experience" candidate. Points=5-1+2+2+1= 9 points
Oppose
David Fuchs
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A 26502 2005-10-15 Wow! Plus 50 for the image of editors haunting WP:FAC etc. If Wikipedia lives longer than I do (which is more than likely), I look forward to making ghostly changes to the bits on the servers so that mysterious things happen to Featured Article Candidates in the future. Oh f**k, I forgot I am a scientific rationalist who does not believe in the afterlife. Damn that is so annoying. Okay lets find some minuses: "chaps"? "the questions are where the real action happens"? "Fostering a site..."? As for "moniker" I'm not sure whether that scores +10 or -10. So points are 50-10-10-10+/-10 = 10 or 30 points
Support
Elen of the Roads
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A 7892 2008-05-11 This candidate begins with an excellent cliche "Wikipedia is facing a challenge" (1 point) but then seems congenitally undisposed to add further cliches to the mix. I trawled through the questions searching for examples, but this editor appears to be cliche-free. There are some hints towards "soft touch", but they amount barely to another point. Hence 2 points
Support
FT2
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A,EFM 39260 2004-07-11 There is a distinct lack of cliches here, which is unsurprising given the lack of clarity on any issue. This candidate is brilliant at publicizing his successes, and also at obfuscating his failures. Reading the back history makes me too depressed already: "The attacking user had made a blog post during the election that referenced a Wikipedia edit and attempted to use it indirectly as a way of making a defamatory comment related to the author of that revision ("The author of this revision..." etc). No hint that the author might possibly be the candidate - or am I saying too much and will be oversighted? As for OrangeMarlin, I suspect the problem was TLDR. Please use more attention-grabbing cliches in future. 0 points
Oppose
Georgewilliamherbert
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A,EFM 13211 2005-07-31 Another hat thrower: you have to be more creative than this to convince me you can deploy cliches with the best of them. 1 point
Oppose
GiacomoReturned
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none 6827 2009-05-26 "in certain quarters of the project" certainly deserves some points, but the candidate appears to be a more interesting Wikipedian than potential arbitrator. He could have at least said "living in a power vacuum would make me an impartial arbiter". Oh, wait, did he say that or not? 5 points
Support
Harej
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A 15497 2004-11-26 Much too sensible a statement to start with, but the candidate gets into his stride in the middle paragraph with points for "put the issues in perspective", "figure out how to go forward", and "something's gotta give". The final paragraph on bringing the personality that defines who he is "to the table" is priceless, in my humble opinion ;) 25 points
Support
Iridescent
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A 146284 2006-02-15 Here is a candidate I can get behind and support wholeheartedly. Not only does this candidate steer clear of cliches when there are sensible things to say, but also, when the moment of truth arises and glowing nemesis appears in the form of an insoluble problem (instruction creep), a devastating cliche comes immediately to hand ("there's little any one editor can do to hold back that particular tide"). Genius. 30 points
Support
Jclemens
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A 26102 2006-08-24 The "build the encyclopedia" trope is a bit bland, but the candidate deserves some points for giving a wide birth to cliches involving hats. I like the idea to "leverage my past experiences" though. 7 points
Support
John Vandenberg
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A,C,O, (ex)Arb 46836 2004-09-05 "Now that the dust has settled" Wow, excellent deployment of a cliche to deflect all attention from past actions, present statement or indeed the future, demonstrating that when all is said and done, the candidate is an arbitrator by nature and will be vindicated in the long run. 20 points
Oppose
Loosmark
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Rv 8186 2007-12-26 Clearly an amateur: "when the time comes", "it always comes to nothing", "to come directly to the point", "to cut a long story short", "pil[e] in", "cherry picking". Alas this candidate is just "talking the talk". How will we know when a cliche is sincerely meant to resolve a dispute when they are thrown about with such careless abandon? The candidate even needs to quote French cliches! 1 point
Strong Oppose
Newyorkbrad
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A,C,O, Arb 25894 2006-02-25 The word here is "restraint". You can feel the tension as you read NYB's words, knowing that he has 101 cliches up his sleeve, but you aint gonna see any of them unless he wills it so. 5 points for promise.
Support
Off2riorob
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Rv 43780 2008-12-04 "Both sides of the fence". 1 point
Oppose
PhilKnight
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A 62274 2006-07-17 The original username deserves a point (maybe two, for the misspelling), but candidate needs to do better than "in my humble opinion". 3 points.
Abstain
Sandstein
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A 41849 2005-07-31 This statement has clearly been proof-read for cliches by a dedicated team of lawyers. I can imagine the debate over the use of the word "bitch". "Might we be sued for that?"... "Not if we place it in a conditional clause". 0 points
Oppose
Shell Kinney
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A,C,O, Arb 28921 2005-06-10 A sprinkling of points here and there for "meet... challenges" and "lost members due to attrition" (we need arbitrators who can give reasons for their decisions without giving any reason that can later be questioned). 3 points
Oppose
SirFozzie
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A,C,O, Arb 8873 2006-02-06 Grabbed my attention immediately with "seismic shift" and nothing more need be said. Keeps the cliches simmering beneath the surface ("unprecedented change") so you know he will be ready when the next big cliche is required. 10 points
Support
Stephen Bain
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A, (ex)Arb 12024 2004-10-08 There is nothing more painful to watch than a veteran arbcom candidate running out of cliches. It makes you want to say, "don't worry about it, in your hey-day, your cliches were the best". Alas "bring my experience to bear" just doesn't cut the mustard in 2010. Way too fond of "a number of". How will we recognise deliberate obfuscation if it happens as a matter of course? 3 points
Abstain
Xeno
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A,B 82632 2006-07-14 Another candidate, like Sir Fozzie, who knows the importance of the first sentence cliche, in this case "shaping up". However, it all goes downhill from there. Unlike Sir Fozzie, Xeno deploys cliches left right and centre ("sucker for punishment", "headaches that accompany the position", "toss my hat in") to obscure the fact that he/she doesn't really want to be elected at all. 5 points for good misdirection.
Abstain

PS. If you notice any cliches in this guide or any other, beware: this year's guide writer could be next year's candidate!

Notes

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  1. ^ There may also be some humor involved: if you don't find it funny, please bear in mind that it was written in the vain hope that someone might!