User:InvadingInvader/Keep beating the horse

This page is intended as humor. It is not, has never been, nor will ever be, a Wikipedia policy or guideline.
Rather, it illustrates standards or conduct that are generally not accepted by the Wikipedia community.

This page in a nutshell:

If a debate dies and you aren't satisfied, get that stick back and keep beating the dead horse.

Sometimes debates on Wikipedia may die a natural death. This is ~~completely ordinary~~ nowhere near normal, however it may not always result in a good outcome, and per some instances, it may result in the wrong version of a page being the one that gets protected. This is where you come in to save the day and revive the debate that already died. If that dead horse didn't give you what you wanted yet, go back into that carcass and get the stick again that they told you to drop!

Stage one: revive the dead debate

Head to ground zero, the talk page where you lost. This is where you take revenge! You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge! So let's go GET SOME!^[1]

Ping the entire discussion's previous participants, and consider reverting against consensus as well! You won't get anywhere without following the BOLD, revert, revert, revert cycle. If you get blocked by a rogue administrator, just wait out the block and get to the talk page to argue your point. You may be compelled to submit to the inappropriately extant BOLD, revert, discuss cycle (which itself should be replaced by the BOLD, revert, revert, revert cycle).

Stage two: bludgeon the conversation

As soon as everyone starts responding with their votes and they're ~~completely reasonable and likely rightful~~ canvassed, biased, and traitorous comments, respond to every single one. A really good idea is to cite that consensus always had existed and argue that local consensus overrides all meaning. If you need to forge consensus, DO SO! No one will know anyway! It's not like every action that you make is logged publicly and that you can't hide everything you've ever done on Wikimedia projects.

Personal attacks have been evidenced to help quite a bit.

Stage three: bring in an actual dead horse

You're free to drop it off at the Wikimedia Head Office in San Francisco. Don't worry about BART Police; they can't do nothing about abusing a dead horse.

Stage four: climb the Reichstag dressed as Spider-man

You know what policy I'm talking about. You know that stage four has been attained once you get someone saying the following to you:

Oh I say, what are you doing? Come down from there at once! Really, you're making a frightful exhibition of yourself.

Mission successful. If they haven't relented yet, continue on.

Stage five: legal threats

It always works, boys and girls. Especially when you're debating Mr. Landlord!

Stage six: other contingency plans

If for some reason it DOESN'T work...rely on these strategies

Bring in the angry mastodons
Assume bad faith
Buy Wikipedia and claim it as your own
Release the WikiKraken!
Delete the main page!
Click the button on Wikipedia:Don't stuff beans up your nose
Sockpuppets! It's not like we'll find them out!

Stage seven: total domination

Congratulations! They should have backed off now!^[a] You have won the debate!^[b] It's finally time for you to drop the stick.^[c] You won, congratulations! But what if the debate was only a partial victory? What if you don't have all six human SOULs? In that case, KEEP IT UP and restart the process. Don't stop until you attain ULTIMATE VICTORY!

Notes

^ If by back off I mean report you to ANI and utterly destroy your credibility, likely leading to an indefinite block (maybe even a community ban)
^ If by won, I mean got Indef'd
^ You might be forced to if you're indef'd.

References

^ Portal 2

[2] If by back off I mean report you to ANI and utterly destroy your credibility, likely leading to an indefinite block (maybe even a community ban)

[3] If by won, I mean got Indef'd

[4] You might be forced to if you're indef'd.

[1] Portal 2

[1]

[a]

[b]

[c]