User:Jrbuci/Ahuntsic (missionary)/Kvent09 Peer Review

General info

Whose work are you reviewing?

Jrbuci

Link to draft you're reviewing

Ahuntistic(missionary) sandbox

Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Ahuntsic(missionary)

Evaluate the drafted changes

• Hi there, you have a really interesting topic as well as a lot of information on it. Overall your article is very well written and thorough. I really like your writing style and I feel like we have similar style, so a lot of the advice that I have is the kind of stuff I catch in my own writing as well. There are a couple of sentences that I think could be reworded or broken up for clarity purposes.
• I would suggest breaking these up into two or more sentences:

1. "The ethnic identity of Ahuntsic as a Huron converted to Christianity by Father Viel has also been contested by some historians who counter that Ahuntsic was actually a young French assistant who was given a Huron name using an account written by Brother Sagard who was sent to Canada with Viel."
2. "There is wide concurrence regarding the fateful trip with Father Viel returning to Quebec after two years in Huron territory without the men who accompanied him there following the earlier departure of Father Le Caron and Brother Sagard and being separated from the other canoes in the expedition"
3. "Alternately, the severe rapids, discrepancies in second-hand translations from surviving Hurons, and the forensic logic of historians Archange Godbout in 1942 and Marcel Trudel in 1966 are sufficient reasons to cast doubt on the claim of accidental death according to ethnohistorian Bruce G. Trigger in his 1998 book Children of Aataentsic: A History of the Huron People to 1660. "

• I think this sentence could be reworded to convey your thoughts more effectively:

1. "As one instance, possibly many, of a ripple effect, a college within the district of Ahuntsic also bears the name."

• Your grammar is overall perfect but I found one small typo:

1. "...intended to mean ‘little fish’ the from Huron dialect."

Other notes from the guiding questions:

• Lead (I believe that the lead is the first three paragraphs of your article, but you have it labeled by the biography)
  • Good introductory sentence
  • The third paragraph is a really good summary, and I think it should be moved up to the second paragraph. I also suggest including that Ahuntic's ethnicity is specifically argued to be either french or Huron as this is important info but isnt mentioned until later in the article.
  • The sentence listing the statue, painting, and cross could possibly be moved to the "legacy" section and the rest of the paragraph adjusted accordingly for conciseness. Thats just an option though its also good how it is.
• Content
  • The content is relevant and almost all of it is added to the original article, which has no sources and jus a couple of sentences.
  • The viewpoints and mostly all the info is newly added to the original article
• Tone and balance
  • The content is neutral, there is no bias, many viewpoints are presented without bias or over-under representation. There is no persuasion
• Sources and references
  • Many claims are backed up by several sources
  • Many authors are used
  • The content reflects the info on the sources
  • The links work
• Organization
  • Content is well written and concise. Sentences that could be broken up/reworded are listed above
  • I found one typo and listed it above
  • The sections and organization are appropriate
• Images and media
  • There are appropriate images used and captions
  • The image of the painting needs a source
• Overall impressions
  • The article is very good quality
  • Strengths include the length, detail of many viewpoints regarding the topic, and many claims being backed up by several sources
  • Most improvement suggestions are listed above. Overall, rereading your work will help with clarifying your paragraphs. Great work!