User talk:P0rekh01/sandbox
feedback on article contribution
[edit]Comments are in no particular order:
- Since you are working to eliminate a re-direct, as we discussed, you will need to incorporate not just what you think is missing about women's hair and/or African-American Hair. You will also need to incorporate information about men's hair as well.
- What you have right now is a loose draft of information that could incorporate a history of women's and African-American hair in military regulations. I'm a bit confused because earlier versions actually included more information. It's not clear why some of that was deleted in the most current rendition.
- I'm also not clear why you begin with the conversation about African-American women typically working in low-wage work. I see how that idea is related to your larger essay project. However, it seems to have nothing to do with inclusion of women and African-Americans in the Military Haircut page which I understand to be your main goal.
- At present, the draft needs elaboration, balance, reference to sources, and headings.Jagrif02 (talk) 21:10, 18 October 2016 (UTC)