Wikipedia:Peer review/Bacon/archive1

Bacon

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has failed GAN twice and I'm trying to get it to be a featured article in the future. I've done a lot of work on it and I'm not done yet!

Thanks, Newyorkadam (talk) 06:51, 24 February 2014 (UTC)Newyorkadam

Comments from Cas Liber

Err - trying to balance feedback I give to any/all core contest entrants - but one very quick observation....there is no history section.....you really need to research that as it is a big hole. Good luck. Cas Liber (talk · contribs) 12:58, 27 February 2014 (UTC)

Oh, I'm not doing the core contest for bacon, I forgot to remove that :P And I've been working on a history section in my sandbox. -Newyorkadam (talk) 13:05, 27 February 2014 (UTC)Newyorkadam

A majority of pigs in the United States are raised .... - "The majority.....though even better to have a percentage here really

Also be good to get some figures from outside US.....

Many sentences are short and paras are choppy. Combine some sentences and short paras

@Casliber: Where do you see the short/choppy paragraphs? And thanks for the comments :D -Newyorkadam (talk) 15:46, 4 March 2014 (UTC)Newyorkadam

Comments from Tim riley

• Links
  • Inconsistent: why link to turkey but not to chicken etc?
  • You should cut the WP:OVERLINKs to well-known places such as the United States, United Kingdom, China etc.
  • Remove duplicate links: I noticed "full breakfast", "bacon explosion", "chicken fried bacon", "heart disease", "cured", "smoked", "vegetarian bacon", "fad" and "YouTube" linked twice, and there may be others.
• Lead
  • There are no fewer than ten citations in the lead. This seems excessive. A lead should summarise the content of the main text, and in general the citations belong in the latter, except for direct quotes or controversial statements. See MOS:LEAD#Citations for guidance. There should be nothing in the lead that is not mentioned in the main text: "Apart from trivial basic facts, significant information should not appear in the lead if it is not covered in the remainder of the article" (MOS:LEAD introduction). Here the lead has a lot of such material, such as the etymology, the USDA and trichinosis/Trichinella.
  • Moving some of the above from the lead to the main section will help you reduce the length of the lead to the recommended size: see MOS:LEAD#Length
• General
  • The thrust of the article is very American-centred. For example, under "Production", only America is considered; the same applies at "Reception"; and at "Bacon fat" the surreal idea that British cooks use lard in gravy or salad dressing (or have even heard of cornbread) is surely not borne out by the quoted sources.

Interesting article, and has potential for GA if these points are addressed. Tim riley (talk) 09:45, 3 March 2014 (UTC)

Thanks for the comments, Tim! I've fixed some now and will continue to work on it :) -Newyorkadam (talk) 19:23, 3 March 2014 (UTC)Newyorkadam

Please ping me if you want any further comments in due course. It will be a pleasure. Tim riley (talk) 19:36, 3 March 2014 (UTC)