Wikipedia:WikiProject Biography/Peer review/Woody Guthrie
I am trying to clean up this article and get into good article status. Some comments would be appreciated. I recently added a lot of citings from pages in the published Woody Guthrie biography by Joe Kline and cleaned up some of the grammer as per comments on the talk page. Dannygutters 20:10, 10 April 2007 (UTC)
- Some suggestions:
- Remove a lot of the subheadings in "Biography" and combine the sections.
- Remove statements like "Guthrie's laid back temperament and disheveled dress disguised a sharp wit and observant eye. This wit can be seen in the lyrics of his many songs which evoke the spirit of their subjects quite astutely" unless they are direct quotes someone has said.
- Soundclips would be useful.
- Write more about his musical style.
- Convert the items in the "Guthrie's influence" section from list format to prose.
- The references are a good start, but the structure of the article has a way to go. WesleyDodds 11:30, 11 April 2007 (UTC)
- "and for his abhorrence of fascism, politicians, hypocrisy and economic exploitation." I am not sure if this wording is in accord with WP:POV.
- "He was a small lanky man with curly black hair and frequently dressed with little regard for his personal appearance. Guthrie's laid back temperament and disheveled dress disguised a sharp wit and observant eye. This wit can be seen in the lyrics of his many songs which evoke the spirit of their subjects quite astutely." This is the lead. Such information shouldn't be here. In order to understand what is exactly a lead, check WP:LEAD. And, the prose does not look very encyclopedic.
- "The breadth of his song topics ranged from the plight of the migrant worker to children's songs about riding in cars.""He traveled around the USA many times and spent much of his time on early trips learning traditional songs and creating new American folk songs of working people." Aren't you a bit repetitive here about the songs? In general, maybe you should think about restructuring a bit the lead.
- "His life seemed to be full of tragedy." Uncyclopedic.
- "Mary Jennings, first wife" Stubby section. Merge or expand.
- "he did express sympathy towards the party many times, which was not unusual among 1930s folk singers.[1]" Avoid external jumps like this one. Turn them into proper inline citations.
- "Originally titled "God Blessed America"; It was inspired in part by his experiences during a cross-country trip and in part by his distaste for the Irving Berlin song "God Bless America", which he considered unrealistic and complacent (and he was tired of hearing Kate Smith sing it on the radio)." Cite please.
- I see a series of stubby sections. Maybe you should think about expanding or merging them.
- "Despite his love for children, he was unpredictable in his support for his family." Meaning? Specify and cite.
- I am a bit about the chronological line you follow in the biography. For instance, why are you placing "Prolific writer" before "Deteriorating health, late 1940s" and after "Marjorie Mazia, second wife". Have in mind that his writing activity could also be analyzed in a seperate section after you have exposed his biography.
- "In California Woody lived in a compound owned by Will Geer and some other old folkies. Here he met his third wife Anneke Van Kirk and had another child, Lorina Lynn. The couple moved to Florida briefly. In Florida Woody was injured trying to light a fire and damaged his right arm. Eventually the couple returned to New York in 1954.[23] Eventually caring for Woody became too much of a strain on the much younger Anneke and she filed for divorce. Lorina Lynn was adopted by friends of Anneke." Choppy and repetitive prose.
- "Folk revival" is uncited.
- "Musical influence" is listy and looks like a trivia section. It would be better if you could turn it into proper prose. The same in "Woody Guthrie archive".
- Have in mind that in "See also" section we place articles not already linked in the main text.
- You don't have to repeat the ISBN of the same book in each note it is referred. I would also propose to vary a bit your sources. You seem to rely a lot on a single source.
- Alphabetize categories at the end of the article.--Yannismarou 18:51, 12 April 2007 (UTC)
Suggest saying more about his politicial leanings and activism and summarizing this in the introduction. Also suggest more about his influence on other forms of American popular music, if possible by providing a big-picture summary view of his influence, in addition to the list of specific allusions to Woodie Guthrie in more recent music. --Shirahadasha 04:49, 13 April 2007 (UTC)