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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted Hawkeye7 (talk) 05:17, 30 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Alexander Godley

[edit]
Nominator(s): Zawed (talk)


I am nominating this article for A-Class review because it has recently undergone a GA Review and I think it is a suitable candidate for an A-Class review. Godley played an important role in NZ's military history; he was the commandant of the NZ Military Forces from 1910 to 1914, and played an important in ensuring the NZEF was prepared for the Great War. While a good administrator and trainer, he was definitely not one of the great field commanders of WWI. Zawed (talk) 10:31, 4 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support on prose per standard disclaimer. There have been no changes to the prose since I reviewed this for WP:GAN. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 16:53, 4 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments A few points on the prose, as per below:

  • "He served in the Boer War and afterwards served in a number of staff positions in England." - repetition of served.
Fixed. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the New Zealand government appointed him as commander of the New Zealand Expeditionary Force which he led for the duration of the war in addition to his other military commands." - it's unclear from this what his other military commands were, as they haven't been mentioned yet.
Fixed. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • " His mother was a niece of Admiral James Bird" - it isn't clear what the significance of this is to Godley's life.
I think this was part of the reason for Godley's initial interest in the Royal Navy - but this isn't explicitly stated in my sources. I have removed the sentence anyway. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Godley intended to enter the Royal Navy but later changed his mind " - "later" is superfluous here
Fixed. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "he volunteered for service in Mashonaland to assist in the suppression of a rebellion in the province" - unclear if this means that his service involved assisting in suppressing the rebellion, or that his reason for volunteering was that he wanted to assist in the suppression.
Not actually sure which one applies; I have revised the sentence to go with the former, which happened regardless of whether he specifically volunteered to suppress the rebellion. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In 1898 Godley attended Staff College at Camberley but following the outbreak of the Boer War in 1899, volunteered for service in Africa" - what does the "but" mean here? Did his volunteering curtail his staff college course?
It did; have revised. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He remained at Aldershot until 1903 before " - several "before" constructs (see previous sentence)
Revised. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Considerable inroads were made in the quality of the weaponry provided to the military." - I wasn't sure that "inroads" worked well here; you could probably lose the sentence, given the detail that comes after it.
Combined the two sentences and removed "inroads". Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By 1914 the Territorial Force had some 30,000 men who would be involved in divisional level training camps (just two years previously, the infrastructure of the force was such that only battalion level camps could be achieved)." - what does "would be involved" mean? (e.g. were they involved in the future? Or does it mean "could be"?) What does "infrastructure of the force" mean? (is this the size of the camps they had available, or comms, or equipment...?)
Revised this section - by infrastructure I was referring to the size of the force and the logistic constraints at the time. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He anticipated that Imperial Germany would be the likely enemy and envisaged deployment to either Europe or possibly Egypt to counter the likely threat to the Suez Canal in the event Turkey aligned itself with Germany." I'd suggest "He anticipated that Imperial Germany would be the likely enemy and envisaged deployment to either Europe, or possibly Egypt, to counter the likely threat to the Suez Canal in the event Turkey aligned itself with Germany."
Revised. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Godley's arrangements proved fortuitous for when the First World War began, a New Zealand occupation force was quickly assembled to occupy German Samoa." Is "fortuitous" right? Surely the reason for needing an occupation force was because it had been previously agreed by Godley that NZ would occupy German Samoa?
Fortuitous in that due to his efforts, the occupation force was quickly assembled. But I see what you are getting at; fortuitous may not have been the best choice of words as at present it may suggest it was lucky, which is the opposite of what I intended. I have revised the sentence. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Nor was his coordination of offensive operations sound; during the August offensive, his lack of oversight allowed one of his brigade commanders, Brigadier General Francis Johnston, a British Army officer on secondment to the NZEF, to vacillate over the reinforcement of the Wellington Infantry Battalion once it was in tenuous possession of Chunuk Bair." - A long sentence, worth breaking in two.
Have revised (and slightly expanded). Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Godley's II ANZAC Corps consisted of the Australian 4th and 5th Divisions along with the ANZAC Mounted Division and it took over the defensive duties of the I ANZAC Corps" - a comma, possibly after Mounted Division, might help here.
Done. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Godley oversaw intensive training of both formations." - "the intensive training"?
Done. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Have revised. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Hchc2009, thanks for taking the time review this article. I have responded to your points above. Let me know if my revisions aren't satisfactory. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 10:27, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. Support. Hchc2009 (talk) 18:16, 14 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • CommentsSupport
    • No dab links [1] (no action required).
    • External links check out [2] (no action required).
    • A couple of the maps lack Alt Text [3] so you might consider adding it for consistency (not and ACR requirement though - suggestion only).
Alt text for all images now present. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 29 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • The Citation Check Tool reveals no issues with reference consolidation (no action required).
    • Images are all PD or licenced and seem appropriate to the article (no action required).
    • The Earwig Tool doesn't seem to be working at the moment - google searches reveal no obvious issues with copyright violation [4] (no action required).
    • Some duplicate links which need to be removed per WP:REPEATLINK:
      • First World War
      • New Zealand Expeditionary Force
      • II Anzac Corps
      • general
      • Knight Grand Cross of the Order of the Bath
      • colonel
      • Egypt
      • Australian Army
      • General
      • Brigadier General
      • I ANZAC Corps
      • Western Front
      • Australian 3rd Division
Fixed all of these. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 29 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • "He was also chief staff officer to Lieutenant Colonel Herbert Plumer[2] and commanded the Rhodesian Brigade." I'm unclear what you mean here. Are you saying Plumer commanded the Rhodesian Bde or that Godley did? A staff officer is not a commander but works for a commander on his staff. Perhaps you mean Godley was COFS to Plumer and later commanded the Rhodesian Bde?
Rephrased. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 29 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    • "The NZEF was intended for service on the Western Front but was diverted to Egypt while in transit, following the entry of Turkey into the war." Turkey should be wikilinked at first mention.
Done. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 29 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 29 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for your review, all comments addressed. Cheers. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 29 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good. Adding my support now. Anotherclown (talk) 12:30, 29 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Support

  • Completed my usual copyedit, only things remaining as far as I'm concerned are:
    • "and instilled professionalism in" in the lead -- seems a bit peacockish to me there (works okay in context in the main body) so I think you could remove and leave the rest of the sentence as is.
    • In the succession boxes at the end I have a feeling you should be using sentence case for "New Command", "Post Disbanded", etc, not the current title case.
  • Structure, detail, referencing and supporting materials look good -- I'll take AC's word for the image licensing.

Well done! Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 04:59, 30 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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