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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by Eddie891 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 14:20, 7 December 2020 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Haane Manahi

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Instructions for nominators and reviewers

Nominator(s): Zawed (talk)

Haane Manahi (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

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In a change from New Zealand VC recipients, I am nominating for A-Class the biography of a New Zealand Māori who was awarded the Distinguished Conduct Medal under controversial circumstances for an action in Tunisia, towards the end of the fighting in North Africa during the Second World War. This was one of my earlier GA efforts, dating back to 2012; I have revised and updated it a bit over the past few days. Thanks to all those who stop by to review. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 05:00, 26 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

CommensSupport by CPA-5

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  • soldier of Te Arawa and Ngāti Raukawa descent who What are those groups, ethnicity, tribes etc? I think it could be handy to explain it here.
  • in 1913, Manahi worked as a laborer before You mean "labourer"?
  • He participated in the Battle of Greece and fought in the Battle of Crete during Maybe add a year here?
  • through the Western Desert and Tunisian Campaigns during --> "through the Western Desert and Tunisian campaigns during"
  • Of Te Arawa and Ngāti Raukawa descent on his father's Same as above what are those groups, ethnicity, tribes etc?
  • having spent two months in Egypt, arrived in Greece Maybe add and pipe those links to those back-then countries?
  • where it boarded a transport ship for Crete --> "where it boarded a transport ship for the island Crete"?
  • Optional: On Crete, the Allies dug in for the expected --> "On the island, the Allies dug in for the expected"
  • This isn't addressed.
  • Oh that seems reasonable. Thanks for replying.
  • withdraw to the southwest in the following days Do Kiwis use "southwest" without a hyphen, space or without?
  • winning the freestyle 46 metres (50 yd) race Since New Zealand didn't use metrics shouldn't imperial units be the primary units?
  • In late May 1942 Rommel and the Afrika Korps Rommel who, the Desert Fox?
  • Link "prisoners of war", "Allies", "platoon', "battalion", "5th Infantry Brigade", "Axis" and "New Zealand Government".
  • Done, except for 5th Infantry Brigade, that was already linked.
  • held by soldiers of the Italian Trieste Division's I/66° Battalion Pipe Italian to the Kingdom of Italy.
  • Takrouna was a hill, 300 metres (330 yd) high Same as above. No imperial units first?
  • Isn't it "counter-attack" instead without hyphen?
  • I see a lot of "howevers" maybe reduce them?
  • The "The Preliminary Report on the Haane Manahi Victoria Cross Claim" source goes to the recently-passed New Zealand's referendum page?
  • The "Takrouna" section is gigantic if you compare it with the other sections may be split it?
  • I also see the "References" section does use both 10/13 ISBNs maybe standardise them?

That's anything from me. I'm happy to review and see a native Maori WWII soldier. Cheers. CPA-5 (talk) 21:51, 2 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. I have responded as above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 08:21, 5 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
CPA-5, just a ping in case you haven't seen this. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 07:27, 9 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Support from Gog the Mild

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  • "local schools in the area". Perhaps a touch of redundancy?
  • "Manahi was one of the first men to enlist in November 1939". This reads as if he were one of hte first too enlist in November, which I assume is not what you mean.
  • "Manahi returned to the Māori Battalion". Is it known when?
  • "a German tank which had been stuck in B Company's trenches". Perhaps 'which had become stuck'?
  • "Encircled by the Germans, the division was forced to breakout on 26 June". Could the engagement this was part of be mentioned? And perhaps Wikilinked to?
  • "Manahi and his company was involved in a bayonet charge against well dug in Germans that had resisted a previous attack by another battalion." Is the outcome of B Company's charge known?
  • "due to heavy gunfire from the enemy." "gunfire" covers a range of things. If there is more detail, could it be given? Eg 'artillery fire', 'machinegun fire' or whatever.
  • "to take his platoon of 12 men". 13 men seems very few for a platoon. Is there a story worth summarising as to the background to this?
  • "A further platoon arrived to further consolidate his position." "further ... further". Suggest replacing the first with 'additional'.
  • "Manahi, as one of the original members of the Māori Battalion" Is it known how many of the original members of the battalion were still serving with it at this point?
  • "He was not to return to the war for it was later decided that the Māori soldiers on furlough would be exempt from active duty." 1. I am not sure that "later" adds anything, it seems implicit to me. 2. Perhaps 'further active duty'?

A splendidly written article. Gog the Mild (talk) 17:32, 7 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments Support from Hog Farm

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I'll take a look at this over the next couple days. Hog Farm Bacon 05:54, 23 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Manahi worked as a labourer before he volunteered for service in the newly raised Māori Battalion of the New Zealand Military Forces following the outbreak of the Second World War" - Worth providing an exact date in this sentence?
  • The Early life section has a lot of sentences starting with he or his. Can this be varied a bit?
  • Seems a little odd that Battle of Crete is never linked nor mentioned by name in the relevant section.
  • "and was eventually evacuated from Crete on 31 May" - to where?
  • Maybe gloss where exactly Baggush Box was?
  • "In late August, no attack had been launched" - Would "in" or "by" be better here?
  • "against well dug in Germans" - Not 100% for sure about this, but should dug in be hyphenated, since its an adjective?
  • Takrouna is never linked in the body
  • Do we know when Manahi was promoted to lange sergeant?
  • Lieutenant General Freyberg - Add his first name, as well
  • "Despite the support of four generals, his VC nomination was downgraded to an award of a Distinguished Conduct Medal (DCM)" - Body seems to list five: Kippenberger, Freyburg, Wilson, Montgomery, and Alexander
  • Kippenberger was a brigadier so it depends whether one considers this to be a general officer rank or not. I've gone with not here since the word general doesn't appear in the rank and I think it would be confusing for readers not overly familiar with the nuances. Zawed (talk) 09:44, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Tidy article, that's it from me, I think. Hog Farm Bacon 05:39, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Hog Farm, thanks for taking the time to review this article, it is appreciated. I have made various edits and comments in response to your points above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 09:44, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - pass

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The sources used all appear to me to be reliable. I am unable to find any other sources which would materially add to the content of the article. The sources referred to seem to support the text cited, insofar as I have checked them. I found no unattributed close paraphrasing. Everything that I would expect to be cited, is. Gog the Mild (talk) 13:28, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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